Planning Death

The recent passing of my Uncle, plus the many unfortunate events that unfolded this year, made me realize one thing: Death. Is. Inevitable. 

It is a necessary evil that constantly reminds us how valuable life is. The usual mundane daily grind is briefly abrupted every time a loved one dies, or a number of people dies because of a new virus. It is painful and numbing which requires us to stop and discern. 

Another important realization is that we live in constant denial that one day, we will all die. Well, except those who are dying to be with God. We are in constant tug of war with Death, begging, pleading, fighting to live one more day, one more year, one more lifetime. We are so focused on living that we forget about dying. 

We thought that we could stay on Earth forever. Seeing my dead Uncle inside the casket proved that our body is just a vessel. Uncle was a strong force, a powerful voice not only in my head but also in our family. One can only love or hate him so much. But after seeing his lifeless body, I realized how fast a soul can leave the body. He could no longer do anything. His able hands that could whip a delicious delicacy are now gone. My memories of him sautéing garlic or boiling meat are the only things left. 

My Uncle, just like everyone in the past, becomes a memory. 

And one day, I will be, too. Do not get me wrong. I am not thinking about ending my life. Although I admit that I have moments of anxiety. For someone who enjoys being alone, an extrovert hermit I should say, the lockdown combined with Uncle’s death shook me at the very core. I’ve gone dark days when my only comfort is my 19-year old dirty pillow Chris-Chris. Now, I am alright. 

I do not want to die, yet. But we should always remind ourselves that we will all bid goodbye to this cruel world in due time. As a preparation, here are my thoughts:


1. Have the best wake ever.

I will be forever guilty of not giving Uncle the best wake he deserves. From providing a dark blue suit, to ensuring a good space in the cemetery, these are the things that we failed to give him, even though we really did our best. So, I have been telling Mom that we should go find her death dress once this lockdown is over. The last thing I want is for Mom to wear something she hates. It is also a good thing that Mom and I can discuss these things. 

As for my own wake, I want my loved ones and friends to read the stuff I have written. I want my wake to be a celebration of me. This sounds really selfish but, anyway, I would be dead so this is the last thing that they can do for me. I want unlimited food to feed the guests. I want it festive but without the frills. It will be a small yet warm gathering.

2. Acknowledge the bad. 

I have been doing this since 2016. I have to acknowledge the ugly, the sad, the hurt – the things that we always refuse to feel, just like death. The first step to solve the problem is to acknowledge that there is one. 

This way of thinking has also helped me define who I am. I am a package of both the good and the bad, which means I cannot only accept the good, I also have to embrace the other. Accepting everything about me enables me to understand myself even more. Why do I feel this way? Why do these things trigger me? 

Eventually, acknowledging the bad teaches me to be more forgiving. It offers me a different perspective, way different than what I got used to. We all have a bad side. We are both a sinner and a saint. This is what makes us, us. 

And also, one can only appreciate the good by embracing the bad. Just like one can only grasp the true meaning of life by experiencing death.

3. Live today as if it’s your last. 

I do not want to sound cheesy, but this is true. Have you asked yourself why the hell are you alive? Repeatedly ask that question until you find the answer, or better yet, until you arrive at more questions. 

I don’t mean go wild and crazy and do shitty things. I mean genuinely asking yourself, how do you want to spend your last 24 hours? This kind of thinking specifies what truly matters to you. We are not God who is omnipresent and can do many things at the same time. We are only fragments of God so we have a lot of limitations. 

But if we focus on what we can do, or what we have, the possibilities become endless. 

The point of this essay is not to startle you, or to remind you that we have limited time although it’s true. My goal is for you to step back, take a moment to reflect, allow yourself to rest, and process your thoughts. 

I want you to plan your death, too. But only if you want to. 

Photo by samer daboul from Pexels