Comfort in Discomfort

 

The month of July until the first few days of August was a difficult time. I was challenged mentally and emotionally. Good thing that our company provides life coaching sessions as part of the privileges of its employees. I have really used this benefit a lot since the pandemic. 

During my last session with a yogi (the term we use for life coach), I provided a solid recap of all the hardships and how I survived them. Then, my yogi said that as I explained the whole thing, she sensed my discomfort, so she asked me where the discomfort was coming from. And, I answered as truthfully as possible. 

To my surprise, my yogi said:

“Can I make an observation? Many of my clients would curl up or feel ashamed about their discomfort. You, Ana, on the other, hand, are smiling. I am also sensing excitement from you.”

I smiled, even more, then replied, “Only because I completely acknowledge and accept my discomfort and the reasons why I have it. You see, around eight years ago, I made a promise not to fool myself anymore. I can always fool others except myself. So this commitment means acknowledging my strengths, goals, fears, and weaknesses - basically embracing the entirety of my being regardless if it is good or bad.” 

“So if a situation makes me uncomfortable, I would ask myself, ‘Is this worth my time? Will it be good for my mental health?’ If the answer to both questions is no, then I would let go of that situation.”

The field of medicine tells us that every discomfort has a root cause. Discomfort is our body’s way of telling us that we have a specific illness. However, many of us only treat the symptom and not the illness itself. 

So, instead of just treating the symptoms of my discomfort, I decided to reflect by asking myself why I am feeling what I am feeling, what causes it, and how I should treat it now and prevent it from happening in the future. I think I got the answer. But I was only able to do that because I recognized that there was a problem. 

My yogi said, “Ana, there are two things that emerged in your story: RELATIONSHIP and GROWTH. These are important to you.”

The relationships I have built with people are the reason why I am successful. It is the culture of trust and respect that drives us to make our projects succeed. So, if the relationship is not good, or tainted, then, growth is not possible. If there is a lack of respect for one another, nothing good will come out of it. 

In other words, I thrive in healthy relationships. If it is toxic, the best solution is to let go. 

I have always been a people pleaser, and now I am working so hard to unlearn it. It is always a bad idea to define my worth based on how other people see me. Thankfully, I have been blessed with wonderful mentors and colleagues who became friends. Many of them pointed out the things I need to improve on. I appreciate that they are coming from a place of genuine concern and love for me. 

However, not everyone is genuinely concerned. Unfortunately, some people come from a place of pure malice. Perhaps they are projecting their unsolved insecurities. 

I can smile now despite the discomfort I am carrying with me. I am letting go of toxic situations that would stunt my growth. I am also mature enough to recognize that I have been toxic, too. This people-pleasing attitude needs to stop. So I am figuratively curing myself using an antidote called ‘learning to say NO’. 

It is hard to say no. It sounds selfish and weak. But, if there is someone that knows what is best for me, then it has to be me. Not other people. We should have the courage to decide for ourselves and take accountability for that decision regardless of the result. 

And take comfort, that one day, our discomfort could lead us to greatness.