Love Means Showing Up

I attended an anticipated Holy Mass a few hours ago. It was a reading about Jesus not being accepted by his hometown but embraced by Gentiles, people outside Israel. The point was, even if people didn't want a prophet to show up and proclaim the good news, the prophets still showed up anyway and proclaimed the good news. But how the audience heard it didn't sound like good news; it was more of a painful sermon, people being forced to be good, to submit to God, because only through submission and surrender could people receive grace.

Love and blessings, I realized, are not always packaged beautifully. We've all resented our parents, teachers, friends, and bosses for being critical of us. But in reality, what they're saying is for our own benefit. We may not realize it at the time, but we'll come to our senses a decade or two from now. They risked being hated by us just to deliver the harsh consequences of our actions. Didn't we all wish our parents would disappear because we hated everything they said?

Our loved ones risked being disliked for our sake. They showed up and did the hard job of giving tough love. They had to reprimand us even if it hurt our fragile ego. They were there. They showed up.

And what I've just realized, after hearing Mass and a bottle of Soju a few hours later, is that showing up is a great expression of love. It may seem basic and easy, but showing up can be difficult. Some say it's the bare minimum, but to be present, to be there for your beloved, seems incredibly challenging.

That's why I argue that showing up is one, if not the greatest expression of love. If a loved one shows up for you, whether you like it or not, you will eventually appreciate it. It doesn't matter if you appreciate their presence. What matters is that they're there, to witness you, to be with you, to celebrate your triumphs and endure your hardships.

We might criticize our parents for their shortcomings in parenting or their unresolved traumas affecting their daily lives and interactions with us. But if despite all that, they still strive to be the best parents they can be, we ought to show appreciation. What is unacceptable is absence, not making enough effort to be there for your children, whether they're seven or 37 years old. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO CLAIM THEY LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT SHOWING UP FOR THEM.

So, as part of my healing process and with my goal of loving unconditionally without losing myself, I commit to showing up for the people I love—whether they're experiencing success, suffering, or simply going through life neutrally. Consider this my love language: being present, standing by my beloved, whether in silence or speaking out, comforting someone, sharing tears of pain, or just sharing a drink together.