3 Realizations in 3 Months

Here are the three things I have learned from this forced house arrest brought by the pandemic. 

1. Time Management 

Before the pandemic, I was a pathological crammer. I spent my daytime daydreaming, and the remaining time doing what I was supposed to do at the start of the day. In the end, I cram. My creative juices flow at the last minute but I know this is unhealthy. 

So for the past three months, I have followed a schedule because my work requires me to. It went all the way to scheduling the time I go to groceries, the time I cook, and even the time I slack off. 

2. Controlling only what I can

Admittedly, I had quite an anxiety in mid-April. The death of my Uncle, the sudden shift of work and schedule, and the pandemic itself affected me. I did not see it coming because it wasn’t explicit. It just occurred to me one day when my laptop wasn’t working, I felt an imaginary water splashed over me. I cried. 

It took me a whole weekend to process things, and the solution I arrived at was to control only what I can. I can never control the pandemic, the problematic mundane stuff, and other shitty things, but I can control my reaction and my emotion. It might not work for everyone, but detachment has been proven effective. I have a mindset that any moment anything can change. So I will just perform, get things done, then rest. The mindset is like that of a war - always alert, always ready, no time to sulk. 

3. Generosity

Even before the pandemic, I try my best to give tip to people who provided great service. I got this trait from Mom. But during the pandemic, I just felt I had to give more - to drivers, to guards, to vendors, to those who are compelled to work despite the danger. I have this internal guilt. I can stay home and feel cozy while they cannot. This is only a small thing I can do. 

However, generosity is not just about the money. It is about anything that you are willing to give, or you are willing to lose, so others can survive and be happy. I also took this moment to be generous to myself - to rest more, to eat more, to contemplate. 

I feel like I am turning a new leaf again. Oh well, probably because I am going home finally. I am about to see Mom, after 90 days. Damn, why am I crying?